Steven gallery This is a transcribed copy of "Adventures in Light Distortion". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "Steven's Dream" Next: "Gem Heist"
Speaker Dialogue
The episode begins with Garnet and Steven warping into the Beach House.
Steven This can't be happening.
Pearl Steven! You're back!
Amethyst Hey, Steve-O.
Pearl We're so sorry about earlier.
Steven Forget that! We have to catch up with her!
Pearl What!?
Amethyst Who?
Garnet Blue Diamond.
Pearl Blue Diamond!? O-o-on Earth!?
Amethyst Holy smokes! They're all coming out of the woodwork.
Pearl Amethyst, turn into a chair. I-I need to sit down.
Steven She took Dad! She alien-abducted him, and it's all my fault!
Amethyst She took Greg!?
Pearl Our Greg?
Amethyst What other Greg is there!? How are we gonna get him back!?
Steven What did she even want him for? To eat him!? T-to put him in a zoo!?
Pearl Wait. That might be it.
Steven [Gasps] She's gonna eat him!?
Pearl What? No. But there was a... No. No, it couldn't possibly still exist. Not since we-
Garnet That's right! Pink Diamond's insidious human zoo.
Steven What?
Garnet During her reign on Earth, Pink Diamond stole humans from their families as trophies of her conquest.
Amethyst You gotta be kidding.
Pearl Oh no. It was very serious. When I still served... Homeworld, I saw it myself. A private menagerie deep in space. Humans in captivity. We were never able to rescue them. We had no way to get to them after the war. But, that was over 5,000 years ago.
Amethyst You really think Greg's there?
Pearl Steven, Blue Diamond wanted him alive?
Steven Yes! Yes! She liked him!
Pearl I can't think of anywhere else she'd put him if she wanted to keep him, that is if the zoo's still there.
Steven It's our only chance! But, how are we going to get there?
Garnet With the Roaming Eye.
Amethyst The Ruby ship?
Garnet That's right. We're going into space, and we're not coming back without Greg.
Transition to The Barn
Peridot Let's see. Rear pulsar trackers are tracking pulsars. The atmosphere shield seems functional, but you're not going to need that in space, obviously.
Garnet Well, make sure it is safe for Steven.
Peridot He should be fine. But, I think I should go in and change the system preferences the Rubies set. How do you feel about green lights instead of red?
Steven There's no time for that! If it works, then let's just do it already!
Steven walks to the barn shed while talking to Connie on the phone.
Steven Sorry, Connie, but we just can't wait. Dad's in trouble, and we need to go into space to get him back. There's no time. We're going right now. Just protect Beach City while we're gone.
Pearl So, if I input the coordinates, it will take us right there?
Peridot It's a little more complicated than that. These aren't your Era 1 light kites. You're gonna be pretty much bending reality if you turn on the gravity engine. Come to think of it, I should really change the Ruby preferences on that, too.
Steven So what, so it's red! Come on! Come on! We gotta go!
Pearl Rubies aside, will it fly?
Peridot Short answer, yes.
Amethyst Okay. Let's go.
Garnet Lapis, Peridot, stay here. You'll have to protect Beach City if something happens while we're gone.
Lapis Lazuli [Thumbs up]
Peridot You can count on us!
The Roaming Eye launches into space.
Steven Don't worry, Dad. We're on our way. I hope you got to see some of this. There's enough out here for a whole album about the cosmos.
The Roaming Eye encounters an asteroid field.
Pearl Space turbulence!
Pearl pilots around the incoming asteroids.
Garnet Sweet moves.
Pearl Hold on.
Pearl navigates until the Roaming Eye exits the asteroid field.
Steven Alright. How much further till we get to-
Ruby members Doc, Navy, and Army hit the windscreen of the Roaming Eye.
Steven Uhh! Sorry, Rubies.
Garnet We should really do something about them.
Steven We can pick them up on the way back. Dad comes first. How much longer till we get there?
Pearl Well, at our current speed, we should be reaching the human zoo in approximately seventy human years! Just in time for Greg's 110th anniversary of being alive.
Steven Pearl, my dad's not healthy enough to live that long.
Pearl Ehh, do you think he'll be able to make it to 109?
Garnet Before we left, Peridot did mention the gravity engine.
Amethyst Oh yeah. She said it bends reality.
Pearl Oh, I'm sure she was exaggerating. It probably just alters the definition for speed by manipulating space-time, but what effect would that have on organic matter? It might flatten Steven's body into a pancake of skin and bones.
Amethyst Eww, bones are gross.
Garnet You have bones in your bedroom.
Amethyst That's different. Those are my bones.
Steven If being a pancake means saving my dad, then bring on the syrup!
Steven pulls the lever, activating the gravity engine, speeding up the ship, and causing Steven to black out.
Garnet Steven!
Pearl Steven! Are you okay?
Steven I'm fine. I-I think I just blacked out. Umm, are you guys okay?
The activation of the gravity engine happened to flatten Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl instead of Steven.
Amethyst [Laughs]
Garnet You tell me.
Pearl Uhh, we're not okay!
Steven Uhh, why do you guys look like that?
Garnet The gravity warp seems to be affecting our bodies.
Amethyst Please tell me this lasts forever.
Pearl Our bodies are made of light, and usually, they form a mass dependent on the air pressure and the level of gravity in the environment, but we're in a situation where the normal laws of physics don't apply.
Amethyst Who cares? It's funny.
Pearl In what way is this funny!?
Steven So, you guys aren't doing this on purpose? Can't you shapeshift back?
Amethyst Hold on. [Transforms] Huh, check it out. Puma cub.
Garnet The ship seems to be putting out some kind of energy keeping us in this shape.
Steven Oh, I know the problem.
Pearl You do?
Steven Peridot said the ship was calibrated for Rubies. It must be making you all Ruby-sized.
Pearl Ugh! Why doesn't she tell us anything? This is why we don't listen to her.
Steven Maybe I can change the settings.
Steven changes the calibration to work for Quartz Gems.
Steven No.
Then an unknown but small Gem type.
Steven Nope.
Then Diamond Gems.
Steven Sorry.
Garnet This isn't working.
Pearl Try adjusting it manually.
Steven opens up the manual configuration menu.
Steven Woah! Umm, maybe this one?
Steven made the necks of Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl long and unstable.
Steven Okay, so that does that. Uhh, maybe this one.
Steven makes their necks and arms grow longer.
Steven Agh! Why is this so complicated!?
Steven starts to press random options which result in their forms returning to normal briefly before Garnet is flattened into a pancake, Pearl bloated like a ball, and Amethyst turning into a long noodle .
Amethyst Guh. hey, Steven! this is getting a little weird, even for me.
Steven continues to press random options until an error message pops up.
Steven I think I found the off-switch!
Steven presses the error message, and the Roaming Eye goes into hyperdrive where Steven is stuck to the seat and the Gems turn into Gemstones.
Steven Guys! Wha, what did I do!?
The Roaming Eye is seen going so fast it creates visual wormholes in the fabric of space. It is overwhelming to Steven.
Steven [Gasps] Amethyst!? Garnet!? Pearl!? Where are you!? What happened? Are you cracked!? [Breathes heavily] Amethyst is usually back by now!
The screen alerts the destination is approaching at an uncomfortable speed.
Steven Oh no. That's the zoo. Uhh, we're gonna smash right into it if we don't... slow... down!
Steven struggles to moves from his seat to touch the screen to stop the ship.
Steven Gah! Come on, Steven. You can do it! I-it's okay! The Gems are gonna be fine! [Groans] They gotta be fine! D-Dad's gonna be fine, too! Gah! I-it doesn't seem like it right now, but later, we're gonna laugh if I just stop the ship!
Steven reaches his arm out and tries his best to get to the control panel but fails.
Steven [Breathes heavily] It isn't going to stop. There's no fixing this. It's all my fault! I rushed us! I pushed us [Begins to cry] into making stupid mistakes! [Pants] It didn't have to be this way. I didn't have to not listen to Garnet. I didn't have to go to Korea. Dad! I didn't have to get you taken away forever by Blue Diamond. I, I wasn't trying to be selfish. I just wanted to know what was going on for myself for once! [Sobs] But now, I lost everyone. Dad! [Sobbing] Dad! I want my dad! I just want my dad.
Steven, collecting determination from his moment of weakness, reaches for the control panel again and succeeds in stopping the ship. The Gems phase through the wall and rejoice with Steven.
Steven [Pants then gasps] You're back! Where'd you go!? I was so worried!
Pearl [Sighs] I think in your attempt to fix our bodies, you may have accidentally shut off the calibration altogether. Our light-composed forms couldn't keep up with the ship moving faster than the speed of light.
Steven So, you were just lagging behind the ship this whole time?
Garnet Yeah. Don't worry about it too much. Amethyst liked it.
Amethyst I never thought I could stretch so far! Hah! I think I kind of phased through a planet. [Laughs but looks at Steven's tears] Uhh... Yo, Stevie man. You heard Garnet. We're totally fine, dude.
Steven I-I was pushing so hard, I... I just wanted to get Dad back so much, I-I almost wrecked the mission. This whole thing is my fault.
Garnet Steven. You didn't kidnap Greg. Blue Diamond did.
Amethyst Woah. Do you guys see that?
The zoo is in sight.
Garnet What you did? You got us to the zoo.
Steven Yeah?
Garnet And seventy human years ahead of schedule.
Steven I'll see you really soon, Dad. I hope.
The end.

ve Transcripts
Pilot Pilot
Season 1 A: Gem GlowLaser Light CannonCheeseburger BackpackTogether BreakfastFryboCat FingersBubble BuddiesSerious StevenTiger MillionaireSteven's LionArcade ManiaGiant WomanSo Many BirthdaysLars and the Cool KidsOnion TradeSteven the Sword FighterLion 2: The MovieBeach PartyRose's RoomCoach StevenJoking VictimSteven and the StevensMonster BuddiesAn Indirect KissMirror Gem/Ocean Gem

B: House GuestSpace RaceSecret TeamIsland AdventureKeep Beach City WeirdFusion CuisineGarnet's UniverseWatermelon StevenLion 3: Straight to VideoWarp TourAlone TogetherThe TestFuture VisionOn the RunHorror ClubWinter ForecastMaximum CapacityMarble MadnessRose's ScabbardOpen BookShirt ClubStory for StevenThe MessagePolitical PowerThe Return/Jail Break

Season 2 Full DisclosureJoy RideSay UncleLove LettersReformedSworn to the SwordRising Tides, Crashing SkiesKeeping It TogetherWe Need to TalkChille TidCry for HelpKeystone MotelOnion FriendHistorical FrictionFriend ShipNightmare HospitalSadie's SongCatch and ReleaseWhen it RainsBack to the BarnToo FarThe AnswerSteven's BirthdayIt Could've Been GreatMessage ReceivedLog Date 7 15 2
Season 3 Super Watermelon Island/Gem DrillSame Old WorldBarn MatesHit the DiamondSteven FloatsDrop Beat DadMr. GregToo Short to RideThe New LarsBeach City DriftRestaurant WarsKiki's Pizza Delivery ServiceMonster ReunionAlone at SeaGreg the BabysitterGem HuntCrack the WhipSteven vs. AmethystBismuthBetaEarthlingsBack to the MoonBubbled
Season 4 The Kindergarten KidKnow Your FusionBuddy's BookMindful EducationFuture Boy ZoltronLast One Out of Beach CityOnion GangGem HarvestThree Gems and a BabySteven's DreamAdventures in Light DistortionGem HeistThe ZooThat Will Be AllThe New Crystal GemsStorm in the RoomRocknaldoTiger PhilanthropistRoom for RubyLion 4: Alternate EndingDoug OutThe Good LarsAre You My Dad?I Am My Mom
Season 5 Stuck TogetherThe TrialOff ColorsLars' HeadDewey WinsGemcationRaising the BarnBack to the KindergartenSadie KillerKevin PartyLars of the StarsJungle MoonYour Mother and MineThe Big ShowPool HoppingLetters to LarsCan't Go BackA Single Pale RoseNow We're Only Falling ApartWhat's Your Problem?The QuestionMade of HonorReunited
Shorts Lion Loves to Fit in a BoxThe Classroom Gems: What Are Gems?We Are the Crystal GemsThe Classroom Gems: How Are Gems Made?UnboxingThe Classroom Gems: FusionCooking with LionGem KaraokeSteven ReactsVideo ChatSteven's Song Time