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Steven gallery This is a transcribed copy of "[[Steven's Birthday|]]". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
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Speaker Dialogue
(The episode opens with a tilt down to Steven and the Crystal Gems setting up for Steven's birthday in front of The Barn.)
Steven I can't believe it's finally my birthday. You're sure it's okay we're taking a break from the drill?
Pearl Peridot will keep us on schedule.
Amethyst Yo, Peri! You sure you don't want to get in on this? *blows balloon that looks like Peridot, balloon pops*
Peridot *Unamused, flaps down welding goggles and walks to the drill*
Garnet We should celebrate our progress. We should celebrate your progress. You've grown a lot this year.
Pearl He certainly has.
Steven Yeah. Yeah, I guess so!
[Car horn honks]
Connie *jumps out of Greg's Van and grabs a suitcase* Steven!
Steven Connie!
Connie Happy birthday! *hugs Steven*
Steven Thanks. Welcome to the party! May I offer you... *grabs two juice boxes from behind him* A refreshment?
Connie Oh, Steven! How genteel.
Steven & Connie Clink!
Steven So, this is the barn! I'm surprised your parents are letting you stay for the weekend.
Connie Haha. It wasn't easy. They'd only let me come after equipping me with every piece of safety gear on the planet.
Greg What should I do with this defibrillator!?
Connie Um, we can just leave it in the car for now!
Steven *giggles* Well, I'm glad you could make it.
Connie Me too.
Greg Alright, move it Connie, I was his best friend first. Happy birthday! Ooookay, shtoo-ball. Let me get a look at you.
Steven Daaad!
Greg Sorry, I just can't believe my little boy is growing up so quickly. Seems like just yesterday you were a baby, and now you're turning 14 years old.
Connie *spits out juice* Steven! You're 14?!
Steven Yeah?
Connie (covers her ears) But I'm only 12 and three quarters! You're older than me? I- I don't believe it!
Greg Well sure, check it out. (He pulls out a book with a star on the front under the name "Steven Quartz Universe". He opens it to reveal images of Steven on his birthday throughout the years.) Let's see, we have infant, baby, toddler - what's it called - adolescent, adolescent, adolescent, adolescent... Whoa, looks like you stagnated there a little bit, buddy.
Connie Mr. Universe, could I show you how the defibrillator works?
Greg Oh, uh, sure! Be right back, kiddo.
[Trans. back of Greg's van]
Connie So he's not going to grow up?
Greg Well, it's hard to say. He's a Gem, and Gems don't really grow up. I mean, I've known the Gems since I was 22, and they never change! They just are what they are. But Steven's not like the other Gems, he's half-human. So, I'm not really sure how he's gonna age. We're just gonna have to wait and see.
Connie Yes, right.
Greg Are you okay?
Connie Yeah, yeah.
Greg Human beings?
Connie Human beings. *high-fives Greg*
[Trans. barn]
Steven *tries to hang up his banner*
Amethyst Hey, birthday man! What'cha doing?
Steven I want to hang up this banner. So--
Amethyst Dude, it would be easier you just stretch *extends her limbs* right up here! Hahaha! How's that?
Steven Oh yeah...
Amethyst Come on! What's the verdict? I can't hold this forever.
Steven Uh, it looks great. *gives a thumbs up*
Greg There's my b-day guy.
(Amethyst shrinks her limbs back to normal size and walks away.)
Steven Uh, what's up dad?
Greg We're almost ready to start. Got your birthday cape and crown ready too. Here. *hands over the birthday suit* Put it on and go wait in the barn. *snickers* Okay now, sit tight. You're gonna love this.
(Greg shuts the barn door with Steven inside. Steven throws his birthday suit aside and looks at his hands, balling them into fists and the screen goes dark.)
Greg *knocking on the door* Okay Steven, open up!
(The barn door opens as Pearl, Garnet, Amethyst, Connie, and Greg all yell "Surprise!" as they see Steven and gasp collectively.)
Garnet Wow.
Pearl Oh my.
Greg Huh?
(Steven walks towards them taking each step carefully as he gains control of his new, taller form.)
Pearl Steven... are you feeling okay?
Garnet Heh, you look good Steven.
Steven Oh, *chuckles* thanks, Garnet.
Amethyst Dude, your neck!
Steven Oh, uh, what about it?
Amethyst You have one!
Connie So, you just grew... all of a sudden?
Steven I had a magical growth spurt, just now. Cool, right?
Connie Oh, right! It's totally cool!
Garnet Alright then, let's get this party started. *blows out candles*
Greg Yeah, let's eat this cookie cake!
Connie Here, Steven. *gives Steven a present*
Steven Wow, thanks.
Connie Oh, you don't have to untie that. It's just a box made to look like I spent a lot of time wrapping it. *giggles*
Steven *opens the box* Ohhh a new shirt! What a pretty color.
Connie Try it on.
(Steven tries to button up his shirt.)
Connie Oh, I guess it doesn't fit since-
Steven No, don't worry. It fits fine just like this!
[Cut to Steven, Amethyst, Pearl and Connie playing badminton]
Pearl Here it comes!
Connie I got it, Pearl!
Pearl Nice, Connie.
(Amethyst hits it out of the field and lands on a tree.)
Pearl If you hit it, you get it.
Connie No worries, I'll grab it.
Steven Connie, let me.
Connie Oh, cool, thanks Steven!
Steven No problem, Connie.
Amethyst Yo, bring back that shuttlecock!
Steven Huh?
(Steven's arm shrinks down to its former size.)
Steven *gasp* Oh no! *he stretches it again*
[Trans. Ext. The Barn]
(Steven, Connie, Pearl, and Amethyst are dancing.)
Garnet This one goes out to the birthday boy, and his best friend.
(Both Steven and Connie start to laugh.)
Steven & Connie *giggle softly, begin dancing*
Connie I still can't believe all this time you were older than me. You should sneak me into a PG-13 movie sometime.
Steven *begins sweating* Oh yeah...
Connie *giggles* No, I'm just kidding, I would never ask you to break the law. It's funny that I have to look up at you now though.
Steven *fidgets* Funny good or funny bad?
Connie Funny good. *leans on Steven's chest*
Pearl Aw... Steven's having fun.
Garnet We know how to throw a party.
Steven *clears throat* Excuse me for a moment Connie, I'm gonna go freshen up. Be right back. *pants heavily and sweats, returns to his former size* Ohhh geez... If I can just keep this up for the rest of my life, no one will suspect a thi- *eyes widen*
Greg and Amethyst *eyes widen* (Greg drops a pinata stick.)
Amethyst What are you doing?
Steven Well uh... *ages* what are you doing?
Greg What are you doing to your body?
Amethyst Woah, woah, woah, have you been stretching yourself out all day?
Steven No! I was just... slouching.
Greg Why are you doing this? It... really isn't like you.
Steven Because dad, I can't stay a kid forever, when Connie grows up and becomes president what is that gonna make me? First Boy?!
Amethyst Steven, you can't just keep stretching forever. If you hold it too long, you could really hurt yourself.
Steven Yeah well, I'm half human so maybe it works different for me, we'll just have to wait and see, right?
Greg *sigh* Steven...
(Steven walks back to Connie.)
[Trans. blanket outside]
Connie That one's... Canis helicopterus.
Steven Uh uh, helicopterus?
Connie Yeah, Dogcopter, get it? Now you make one up!
Steven Okay, um... *clears throat* That one's, uh, snake constellation.
Connie That's... pretty good.. Are you okay? It looks like you're gonna throw up.
Steven Oh yeah, e-everything's fine!
Connie Okay... that's good. You know, to be honest, I was a little worried before. This might sound silly, but... I'm really glad that I'm going to get grow up with you.
(Steven becomes overwhelmed, melts down into his clothes and seemingly disappears.)
Connie Steven? (She moves his shirt to reveal that Steven has turned into a baby.) Steven?! What's going on? What happened?
Steven Whaa? *looks at himself, begins crying*
Connie *shows everyone Steven's crying baby form* We were just talking then all of a sudden-
Pearl He turned back into a baby?!
Connie YES!
Amethyst *taking Steven* Dude, I told you... Stretching your body out for that long is not good for you!
Steven *talks baby talk*
Amethyst *handing Steven to Pearl* Here you go, Pearl.
Pearl Oh, no, no, don't give him to me!
Garnet Hand him over, Amethyst. *removes shades*
Amethyst *gives Steven to her* Here you go.
Garnet *blinks eyes one by one and sticks out her tongue*
Steven *cries even more*
Garnet My power means nothing to an infant.
Greg Okay, this is my department.
Connie What are you going to do?
Greg Don't worry, I got this.
[Trans. Greg's Van]
(Let Me Drive My Van (into Your Heart) plays in the van as Greg drives.)
Steven *cries*
Connie *waves a maraca in front of baby Steven* How can the Gems not know what to do?
Greg You think they know the first thing about raising a baby? That was all me, but I don't get it, driving always used to calm him down.
Connie But, how do we change him back?
Greg I don't know, look Connie, let me take you home, I-I'll call you when this all this gets sorted out.
Steven *talks baby talk*
Connie W-Wait no, I wanna stay.
Greg Are you sure?
Connie Yeah, I just want to be there for Steven. Don't worry Steven, it doesn't matter to me what age it seems like you are, I wanna hang out with you no matter what. Your dad still has his carwash and the gems have to do gem stuff so I'll watch you when they're not around. I can come see you after I'm done training with Pearl too. Doesn't that sound fun?
(Baby Steven coos happily and holds onto Connie's finger.)
Greg Look at that, he finally stopped crying.
Connie Well that's a start.
Amethyst Ahem.
Greg What's up, Amethyst?
(It is revealed that Amethyst has been shapeshifted into a carseat for baby Steven the whole time)
Amethyst Baby Steven needs changin'.
[Trans. Next morning, Greg's Storage Shed]
Connie *wakes up, sees that Steven's shirt is empty* Oh my gosh. Ooh my gosh... Did he get even smaller? Steven's microscopic! He's reverted back to a zygote! Everyone! Steven is-
(Connie runs out of her tent and sees Steven back to normal wearing the shirt she gave him.)
Steven Look, it fits now.
Connie You're back to normal! *hugs Steven*
Steven Sorry this was a disaster, I wanted to look older for you. *blushes*
Connie That doesn't matter.
Steven I... heard what you said in the van. It's really okay if I don't age like a human?
Connie Of course it is. I like you just the way you are. *smushes Steven's cheek*
Steven Oof, okay.
Connie Uh... Steven? You've got something on your cheek.
Steven Huh? *gasp* It's a facial hair!
Connie Really?
Steven DAD!
Greg What is it lil' man?
Steven Look at this! *points at facial hair*
Greg Holy smokes! You're growin' a beard! You really are getting older. *hugs Steven* Everybody! Look at this!
Pearl Unbelievable.
Garnet Very impressive.
Amethyst Is there more where that came from?
Garnet, Pearl, and Amethyst *laugh*
Connie *giggles*
(The star closes on Connie, who is smiling.)
[END]
ve Transcripts
Pilot Pilot
Season 1 A: Gem GlowLaser Light CannonCheeseburger BackpackTogether BreakfastFryboCat FingersBubble BuddiesSerious StevenTiger MillionaireSteven's LionArcade ManiaGiant WomanSo Many BirthdaysLars and the Cool KidsOnion TradeSteven the Sword FighterLion 2: The MovieBeach PartyRose's RoomCoach StevenJoking VictimSteven and the StevensMonster BuddiesAn Indirect KissMirror Gem/Ocean Gem

B: House GuestSpace RaceSecret TeamIsland AdventureKeep Beach City WeirdFusion CuisineGarnet's UniverseWatermelon StevenLion 3: Straight to VideoWarp TourAlone TogetherThe TestFuture VisionOn the RunHorror ClubWinter ForecastMaximum CapacityMarble MadnessRose's ScabbardOpen BookShirt ClubStory for StevenThe MessagePolitical PowerThe Return/Jail Break

Season 2 Full DisclosureJoy RideSay UncleLove LettersReformedSworn to the SwordRising Tides, Crashing SkiesKeeping It TogetherWe Need to TalkChille TidCry for HelpKeystone MotelOnion FriendHistorical FrictionFriend ShipNightmare HospitalSadie's SongCatch and ReleaseWhen it RainsBack to the BarnToo FarThe AnswerSteven's BirthdayIt Could've Been GreatMessage ReceivedLog Date 7 15 2
Season 3 Super Watermelon Island/Gem DrillSame Old WorldBarn MatesHit the DiamondSteven FloatsDrop Beat DadMr. GregToo Short to RideThe New LarsBeach City DriftRestaurant WarsKiki's Pizza Delivery ServiceMonster ReunionAlone at SeaGreg the BabysitterGem HuntCrack the WhipSteven vs. AmethystBismuthBetaEarthlingsBack to the MoonBubbled
Season 4 The Kindergarten KidKnow Your FusionBuddy's BookMindful EducationFuture Boy ZoltronLast One Out of Beach CityOnion GangGem HarvestThree Gems and a BabySteven's DreamAdventures in Light DistortionGem HeistThe ZooThat Will Be AllThe New Crystal GemsStorm in the RoomRocknaldoTiger PhilanthropistRoom for RubyLion 4: Alternate EndingDoug OutThe Good LarsAre You My Dad?I Am My Mom
Season 5 Stuck TogetherThe TrialOff ColorsLars' HeadDewey Wins
Shorts The Classroom Gems: What Are Gems?We Are the Crystal GemsThe Classroom Gems: How Are Gems Made?UnboxingThe Classroom Gems: FusionCooking with LionGem KaraokeSteven ReactsVideo ChatSteven's Song Time