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Steven gallery This is a transcribed copy of "The New Lars". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "Too Short to Ride" Next: "Beach City Drift"
Speaker Dialogue
[The episode begins with a black screen.]
Steven For your consideration...
(Steven begins a slideshow of two animals, the first being a koala.)
Steven The koala, a marsupial from the forests of Australia, and the sloth, hailing from the forests of South America. Who should be crowned the king of the "hanging around, doing nothing" mammals?
[Transition to the int. of the Big Donut.]
Sadie I think sloths eat poop.
Lars Gross.
Steven Well, that's definitely going to affect the rankings.
Lars Eating poop would be better than this.
Sadie [snickers] Just, let him do his thing.
Lars So glad I don't have to deal with this tomorrow.
Sadie Oh, yeah, they're closing shop to get those gulls out of the vents. Any plans?
Lars Nah.
Sadie Would you... want to come by my place? I know it's kind of been awhile, but we could get some food, watch some movies.
Lars Nah. Sounds boring. I'll see if Buck wants to do stuff.
Sadie Well, I hope you guys have fun together.
Lars Yeah. We will.
[Sadie and Lars notice Steven's presence.]
Sadie Hey, Steven? You're staring a little bit.
Steven [in a soft voice while staring intently] No, I'm not.
(Lars and Steven leave the Big Donut. Lars starts locking the door.)
Steven Hey, Lars? why didn't you want to hang out with Sadie?
Lars [grunts] I see her at work. Why do I need to see her on my day off?
Steven But aren't you going to get married, and have kids, and name one of them after his uncle Steven?
Lars Oh, let me think... No. Me and Sadie aren't getting married. We aren't even dating. And if she thinks we are, that's her problem.
Steven You're lying. I know how you feel about Sadie.
(Lars walks away from Steven.)
Lars You don't know what you're talking about, so butt out!
Lars Go annoy someone else. [in a lower voice] You little weirdo.
Steven Why can't you just admit you love her?!
[Night, int. of the Beach House]
(Steven is asleep but is restless.)
Steven [grunts] Lars.
(Steven enters Lars' mind and sees Lars)
Steven Lars? You don't need to be such a jerk all the time. I wish I could just show you.
(Lars and Steven collide)
Steven Aah!
[Morning, int. of Lars' room]
(Steven suddenly wakes up in the body of Lars with a Minor Objects/Media#NOICE"Noice" magazine on his face.)
Lars (Steven) Aah! Huh? [takes magazine off face]
Lars (Steven) Wha? Whoa. Wait a minute.
(Steven looks around Lars' room.)
Lars (Steven) This isn't the temple. This isn't my voice. Whoa -- I'm Lars?
(Steven as Lars notices that he is naked)
Lars (Steven) Ooh! [whimpering and covering his eyes] I'm naked! I must've jumped into Lars' mind. I guess while I'm in here, I'd better do my best to respect Lars' body and his privacy.
(Lars (Steven) walks down the staircase of Lars' house into the kitchen.)
Martha [in a quiet voice holding papers] No. We can do this, Dante. We have to talk to him.
Lars (Steven) Hi, there.
(Dante and Martha, Lars' parents, notice Lars.)
Dante Oh, there's our boy. How are you feeling?
(Lars (Steven) sits down at the table)
Lars (Steven) Uh... taller?
(Martha places Lars' breakfast down in front of him.)
Martha Here you go. Oh, it's good to see you this morning, Laramie. (holds Lars' (Steven's) face)
Lars (Steven) Who's Laramie?
Martha I mean... Lars.
(Martha sits down next to Dante at the table.)
Dante Now, Lars, we know school is a touchy subject, but we need to talk about this.
(Dante shows Lars (Steven), his grade report.)
(Lars (Steven) reads the report, not knowing what grades are.)
Lars (Steven) "F-F-F-F-F-F-B-D-F." That doesn't spell anything.
Martha Please, Lars. We let you move into the attic, and your grades are still below average. All we're asking from you is...
Dante and Martha A little effort!
Lars (Steven) [becomes teary-eyed] Wow. You guys seem so nice. I'm sure I don't want to let either of you down.
(Steven grabs Martha and Dante's hands.)
Lars (Steven) I, Lars, promise to go out and do my very best at being your son.
(Martha and Dante sit shocked, as Lars (Steven) gets up and leaves.)
Dante Wow. He didn't even swear.
Martha And he's wearing the plugs I got him.
[Outside in Beach City]
Lars (Steven) I'm Lars. [chuckles] I'm Lars, I'm Lars, I'm Lars!
(Steven notices Onion, who looks creeped out.)
Lars (Steven) Hey, Onion? Look, I'm Lars.
(Onion, who is still creeped out, gives a thumbs up.)
 
Lars (Steven) I'm Lars for the day. Hey, it's Buck Dewey and Sour Cream. Hi, guys! Whatcha doing? Hanging out?
(Buck and Sour Cream look at each other briefly.)
Buck Yeah.
Lars (Steven) That's cool. Would you say you hang out more like Koalas or Sloths? I'm asking for Steven.
Buck I like that kid.
( Sour Cream nods his head in approval.)
Lars (Steven) Yeah, he's the best. [Chuckles]
Buck Tell Steven we're more like sleeping tigers.
Lars (Steven) Okay. Then I'll be a panther. [Growls]
(Buck chuckles and Jenny comes out from the pizzeria.)
Jenny Oh. Hey, Lars.
Lars (Steven) Hi, Jenny.
Jenny Ugh. Dad made me work this morning. Now I stink like pizza and fish.
Lars (Steven) You don't stink.
Jenny Lars? What a nice thing to say.
Lars (Steven) I can say way nicer stuff. Like you're really cool and pretty and fun to be around.
Jenny [Laughs] Lars, this is so unlike you.
Buck I see what's going on here.
Lars (Steven) Huh?
Buck This isn't the Lars we know. Maybe Lars is actually... A good guy who likes making people feel good.
Lars (Steven) Yep. You got me.
Buck That's the kind of vibe I want on our dance crew.
Lars (Steven) (Gasps) Lars is going to be psyched!
Buck Buck is pleased.
Jenny Can he dance, though?
Lars (Steven) Can I?
(Lars jumps to a clearing and starts dancing and humming.)
Jenny Whoa! Lars got moves!
Lars (Steven) Whoo.
Buck We going to a dance competition, and we need you. Come with us.
Lars (Steven) (Gasps for a few seconds then realizes something) Oh. Sorry. I can't. There's someone who needs me more.
[Transition to outside Sadie's house.]
(Lars (Steven) goes towards Sadie's home, knocks on her front door and clicks the doorbell.)
(Doorbell Buzzes.)
Sadie Okay, okay, geez. Hold your horses.
Lars (Steven) Still want to hang out?
Sadie Well, if it ain't the human boomerang -- always coming back to me.
(Lars (Steven) looks behind him then stares back with puppy eyes.)
Sadie Look, sorry. I was going to watch a movie if -- If you wanna? I don't -- I don't know. [laughs] N-Nothing fancy.
Lars (Steven) I don't need anything fancy.
Sadie [Laughs] Just get in here. Are those hearts in your ears?
[Transition to Sadie's bedroom]
Sadie There's a bunch of stuff down there you probably haven't seen yet. Take your pick.
Lars (Steven) (Goes to shelf with movies and starts naming) "Night Terrors," "Enjoy the Violence," "Critter Crematorium," "The Organ Pickler, Part 7"?!
Sadie I keep telling you, that's the good one.
Lars (Steven) How about this? "Fangs of Love."
Sadie I think I'd rather have my organs pickled.
(Lars (Steven) and Sadie watch the "Fangs of Love.")
Male Werewolf (T.V) And you love me? Even like this?
Female Werewolf (T.V) I Dooooooooo!
(The movie ends with the werewolves howling.)
Sadie [laughs] Didn't I try to warn you?
Lars (Steven) [cries] They just wanted... to be together. [Sobbing]
Sadie Hey? [Grabs tissue box.] What is with you tonight, huh?
Lars (Steven) (Sniffling. Sadie hands Lars (Steven) a tissue) What do you mean? (Lars (Steven) blows his nose, and continues sniffling.)
Sadie Look, It's like yesterday I asked if you wanted to come over, but you made a big deal, saying no in front of Steven, and now you're here? [Sadie looks confused] It's just, it's getting to be kind of a roller coaster, isn't it?
Lars (Steven) [Mood suddenly changes] Roller coasters are fun.
Sadie [Sighs] It's like you're one way in private and a different way in public. You act like I don't know you don't want to be seen with me, but I do know. I'm not stupid.
Lars (Steven) Don't be sad.
(Lars (Steven) puts his hand on Sadie's shoulder but she slides it away.)
Sadie It's just, I need to know. How do you really feel about me?
(Lars (Steven) makes an honest grin.)
Lars (Steven) Isn't it obvious?
(Sadie looks back at Lars (Steven), creeped out.)
Lars (Steven) I love you!
(Sadie reacts quickly and jumps of her bed, with a yell.)
Sadie UGH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
Lars (Steven) Finally telling you.
Sadie NUH! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! All right, I get it. I see how it is. Some cute little heart gauges, some dumb, fluffy movie, that's enough for Sadie. Right, Lars?
Lars (Steven) Uh, D-- I-I-I just wanted to fix everything.
Sadie GET OUT!
[Outside Sadie's house.]
Lars (Steven) (Sadie pushes Lars out of her house) Stop, you're hurting me!
Sadie GOOD!
Lars (Steven) You don't understand!
Sadie (Talking through the door) I understand enough! You're only my friend when it's convenient for you. (Banging the door) Just get out of my life!
Lars (Steven) [Gasps] I'M NOT LARS!
Sadie What?!
Lars (Steven) I'm....Steven. I just woke up this morning with my mind in Lars' body. (Runs towards Sadie's door) Ugh! I didn't mean to hurt your feelings like this. I'm sorry.
(Sadie opens the door calmly.)
Sadie Okay. Maybe you are Steven. Lars would never apologize to me. Wait. So does this mean Lars' mind is inside your body?
Lars (Steven) I don't know.
Sadie You don't know?!
Lars (Steven) (Slowly speaks) Maybe we should check?
Sadie Ya think?!
[Transition to near a neighborhood]
(The cool kids walk with Sour Cream holding a silver trophy.)
Jenny At least we got second place.
(Sadie and Lars run towards the Temple, panting.)
Jenny Hey, look, it's Lars and Doughnut Girl.
[Transition to a siding of the Storage house.]
(Martha and Dante are eating Ice creams.)
Martha It seems like Lars is really turning a corner.
Dante (Notices Lars running behind Martha) Oh, speak of the Devil. Where's he going? (He and Martha notice Sadie) Who's that girl?
Martha (Turns towards Dante) Let's follow him and find out.
Dante [Chuckles] Oh, Martha!
(The Cool Kids and Lars' parents follow Lars and Sadie.)
[Outside the Temple House.]
Lars (Steven) (Grunts while trying to open the door) It's locked. (Lars (Steven) tries to break the door down, but fails and falls backwards.)
Sadie HYAH! (Sadie kicks the door open, breaking it in the progress.)
Jenny Why are they breaking into Steven's house?
(Lars' parents look at the scene in horror.)
Martha Our Lars -- A burglar.
Dante (Hugs Martha with one arm.) Now, now, you know we've been ready for this day.
[Inside the Temple House]
(Lars (Steven) and Sadie run towards Steven, lying on his bed.)
(Both Lars (Steven) and Sadie pant.)
Sadie (Standing besides Steven's body) There you are. How do you switch back?
[Transition to Buck and the other witnesses who enter Steven's home.]
Buck This looks weird, but don't jump to conclusions.
(All of them shout in horror, noticing Lars (Steven) slapping Steven while he's sleeping.)
Lars (Steven) Come on, wake up!
(Lars (Steven) tries his best to wake Steven up by slapping him hard.)
(Everything started distorting as Lars (Steven) finally returns to his Body)
(Steven finally wakes up.)
Steven (Wakes up groaning) Ahh!
(Steven looks around and notices Lars drooling as he returns to his mind.)
(Lars' eyes suddenly rotate back as he falls towards a side of the bed.)
Lars Guhhh...
Sadie (Sadie grabs Lars before he could fall) Oh.
Dante (Gasps heavily) What's going on?
Lars (Lars wakes up) Mhn. Huh? (He notices Sadie) Sadie?
(Lars gasped and suddenly tripped.)
Lars How did I get here? (He looks at everyone else) What are you all doing here?
Sadie Lars, don't get mad.
Lars (Lars turns towards Sadie) HUH?!
Sadie (Sadie tries to explain Lars about the issue, but he interrupts) But Steven really didn't mean to...
Lars (In fury, turns towards Steven) YOU! WHAT DID YOU DO?!
(The Cool Kids come in between Lars.)
Steven (Afraid, he tells the truth) I spent the day with my mind in your body.
Lars (Lars gasps in disgust) UHN! AHH!
Jenny Whoa. Where's your chill?
Buck Buck is no longer pleased.
Martha I'm so sorry. He wasn't like this this morning.
Lars I was acting weird all day and you all just LIKED IT?!
Dante Please don't make a scene, Laramie.
Lars MHN! [Inhales deeply] DAAH!
[Transition to the Big Donut]
(Steven looks through the front window, concerned. He enters the shop.)
Steven Hey, Lars?
(Lars lays face first on the counter with his arms over the edge.)
(Steven takes out a card.)
Steven Um... I'm really, really sorry about yesterday. I got you a card, it's got a Koala and a Sloth.
(Lars takes the card and tears it in half, not looking up.)
Steven (Steven looks at Lars, depressed) I hope I didn't ruin your friendship with Sadie.
Lars With Sadie? Oh, what did you say to her?
Steven I said you loved her.
(Lars falls over and quickly pokes his head above the counter.)
Lars (excitedly) A-and what did she say?
Steven She thought you'd only say something like that to hurt her.
Lars Yeah. I guess she's right. Maybe that's why everyone liked the You me better than the Real me.
Steven Not everyone.
(The doorbell rings and Sadie enters.)
Sadie Uh, hey.
Lars Hey! (Lars runs to Sadie.)
Sadie Weird day yesterday, huh? (Slight chuckle.)
Lars Ugh. Everyday in Beach City is weird. That's why I hate it here.
Sadie (Sadie gives a smile) It's good to see the real you.
Lars Yeah? Uh, uh, you should come over later, you know, bring a movie to watch or something.
Sadie [Laughs] Okay.
[Cut to Steven]
Lars Awesome.
(Star iris closes on Steven, smiling.)
[Episode ends]
ve Transcripts
Pilot Pilot
Season 1 A: Gem GlowLaser Light CannonCheeseburger BackpackTogether BreakfastFryboCat FingersBubble BuddiesSerious StevenTiger MillionaireSteven's LionArcade ManiaGiant WomanSo Many BirthdaysLars and the Cool KidsOnion TradeSteven the Sword FighterLion 2: The MovieBeach PartyRose's RoomCoach StevenJoking VictimSteven and the StevensMonster BuddiesAn Indirect KissMirror Gem/Ocean Gem

B: House GuestSpace RaceSecret TeamIsland AdventureKeep Beach City WeirdFusion CuisineGarnet's UniverseWatermelon StevenLion 3: Straight to VideoWarp TourAlone TogetherThe TestFuture VisionOn the RunHorror ClubWinter ForecastMaximum CapacityMarble MadnessRose's ScabbardOpen BookShirt ClubStory for StevenThe MessagePolitical PowerThe Return/Jail Break

Season 2 Full DisclosureJoy RideSay UncleLove LettersReformedSworn to the SwordRising Tides, Crashing SkiesKeeping It TogetherWe Need to TalkChille TidCry for HelpKeystone MotelOnion FriendHistorical FrictionFriend ShipNightmare HospitalSadie's SongCatch and ReleaseWhen it RainsBack to the BarnToo FarThe AnswerSteven's BirthdayIt Could've Been GreatMessage ReceivedLog Date 7 15 2
Season 3 Super Watermelon Island/Gem DrillSame Old WorldBarn MatesHit the DiamondSteven FloatsDrop Beat DadMr. GregToo Short to RideThe New LarsBeach City DriftRestaurant WarsKiki's Pizza Delivery ServiceMonster ReunionAlone at SeaGreg the BabysitterGem HuntCrack the WhipSteven vs. AmethystBismuthBetaEarthlingsBack to the MoonBubbled
Season 4 The Kindergarten KidKnow Your FusionBuddy's BookMindful EducationFuture Boy ZoltronLast One Out of Beach CityOnion GangGem HarvestThree Gems and a BabySteven's DreamAdventures in Light DistortionGem HeistThe ZooThat Will Be AllThe New Crystal GemsStorm in the RoomRocknaldoTiger PhilanthropistRoom for RubyLion 4: Alternate EndingDoug OutThe Good LarsAre You My Dad?I Am My Mom
Season 5 Stuck TogetherThe TrialOff ColorsLars' HeadDewey WinsGemcationRaising the BarnBack to the KindergartenSadie KillerKevin Party
Shorts Lion Loves to Fit in a BoxThe Classroom Gems: What Are Gems?We Are the Crystal GemsThe Classroom Gems: How Are Gems Made?UnboxingThe Classroom Gems: FusionCooking with LionGem KaraokeSteven ReactsVideo ChatSteven's Song Time